I have always wanted to have a diary. I have always wanted to be able to pick it up years later and laugh about how angsty and dramatic I was, and how the littlest things used to be such a big deal. Since I cannot keep a diary to save my life, I am hoping that blogging will work out a little bit better.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Seventeen
So today was my seventeenth birthday and I will tell you something, I have never felt more loved in my entire life. Too often I scold myself for not having one certain group of friends, for talking to every clique-- but today I saw the special privilege that comes with it. Texts, phone calls, and facebook posts all made me feel better about the things I have done and the connections I have made.
Where am I going with this?
I have been going through a phase lately where I berate myself for "wasting time". I keep telling myself that I have wasted my junior year because I have not reached my goal weight, because I have never had a boyfriend, and because sometimes on Friday nights, I just like to stay at home and watch sappy movies with my cat! But what I realized today was that this year has been the farthest thing from a waste. In fact, I have gone through more milestones this year than I have before. I am going to make a list of these things to show that the things that I do and the feats I accomplish are much more important than my image or reputation. Here are just a few highlights from my junior year of high school:
- I AM A CAMP TECUMSEH COUNSELOR. If anything is an accomplishment, this is it. I have been waiting to say those words since I was five years old. I was chosen for my dream job. I get to spend my summer surrounded by love, energy, and faith. I was chosen to love those kids with all my heart and to leave my hectic school world behind and entire a world full of support, compassion, and love.
-I got my driver's license. Come on, this is one of the big stepping stones in life. I will never forget the first time I got behind the wheel and I just screamed at the top of my lungs because it was so surreal.
-I finally stopped being a dish rag. I am not afraid to walk away when people walk all over me. Before this year, if a girl was popular I would let her treat me as her servant. It is cheesy, but now I know that putting energy into these people is just a waste. My energy should go towards the people that give me the same in return.
-I let go. I stopped being who I thought I was supposed to be and I started being who I really am. I sing camp songs in class, I talk about my cats ALL THE TIME, I get worked up over the littlest things, and I wear sweatpants to school. everyday.
-I strengthened many relationships. My sister is now my best friend. I became closer to people I am going to stand by my entire life. Sarah Wright, Whitney Tudor, and Miles Demerly became the three people I can trust with anything.
-I coached a seventh grade volleyball team. This was the most rewarding thing I have done in a while. The look in those girls' faces when they won a game was absolutely priceless. I genuinely miss the constant giggles, gossip, and fun that these girls brought to my afternoons.
- I played on the tennis team. The girls on the tennis team are not the people I usually hang around with, so when they ended up being some of the funniest and sweetest people I had ever met, I ended up being excited for every practice and match.
-I played in a volleyball league that was meant for fifty year olds and I had a blast. I made new friends who were full of wisdom and advice. I was shown up by women who had grandchildren and I had some of the most fun I have ever had playing volleyball.
-I took my first AP classes.
- I had a full conversation in Spanish with my Puerto Rican uncle.
- I gave a four minute speech on pot holder headbands, a six minute speech on CILTS, and a two minute speech on Mean Girls for my AP speech class.
- I joined a gym.
- I decorated my room in full Camp T decor.
- I talked to every single person at the DC open house. I made good friends with Maeve, Molly, and Kaitlyn. I really cannot wait for summer.
- So far, I have convinced 5 families to sign their kids up for day camp.
-I work at camp on the weekends. I love it. I just love it.
- I got a twitter.
- I drove four hours by myself from Illinois when I got my car. It was intense.
-I reconnected with family I had not seen in years.
- I got inducted into National Honor Society.
-I helped one of my best friends through her mother's death (this is not a good thing at all just something worth documenting)
-I read the Hunger Games Trilogy- twice.
- I started a blog.
- I signed up for the color run.
- I am taking the Sat..
-I got my wisdom teeth out.
- I got a new cat
-That cat had kittens.
- and so so much more
As my seventeenth birthday crept to an end, I thought about all of these things and how much I have changed. It may be for the better, it may not be. But as I stared into the mirror and thought about how old seventeen was, I forced myself to look past my poor body image and my number of new text messages and thought about how my personality has changed since my last birthday. I became a leader during CILTs, a mentor during coaching, and an employee of Camp T :) I know that this list is pretty long, and I am missing lots but I am determined to make sure that it is three times as long by my eighteenth birthday and I am determined to change even more. I know this blog is all over the place but hey, maybe by my eighteenth birthday I can get my thoughts in order.
Where am I going with this?
I have been going through a phase lately where I berate myself for "wasting time". I keep telling myself that I have wasted my junior year because I have not reached my goal weight, because I have never had a boyfriend, and because sometimes on Friday nights, I just like to stay at home and watch sappy movies with my cat! But what I realized today was that this year has been the farthest thing from a waste. In fact, I have gone through more milestones this year than I have before. I am going to make a list of these things to show that the things that I do and the feats I accomplish are much more important than my image or reputation. Here are just a few highlights from my junior year of high school:
- I AM A CAMP TECUMSEH COUNSELOR. If anything is an accomplishment, this is it. I have been waiting to say those words since I was five years old. I was chosen for my dream job. I get to spend my summer surrounded by love, energy, and faith. I was chosen to love those kids with all my heart and to leave my hectic school world behind and entire a world full of support, compassion, and love.
-I got my driver's license. Come on, this is one of the big stepping stones in life. I will never forget the first time I got behind the wheel and I just screamed at the top of my lungs because it was so surreal.
-I finally stopped being a dish rag. I am not afraid to walk away when people walk all over me. Before this year, if a girl was popular I would let her treat me as her servant. It is cheesy, but now I know that putting energy into these people is just a waste. My energy should go towards the people that give me the same in return.
-I let go. I stopped being who I thought I was supposed to be and I started being who I really am. I sing camp songs in class, I talk about my cats ALL THE TIME, I get worked up over the littlest things, and I wear sweatpants to school. everyday.
-I strengthened many relationships. My sister is now my best friend. I became closer to people I am going to stand by my entire life. Sarah Wright, Whitney Tudor, and Miles Demerly became the three people I can trust with anything.
-I coached a seventh grade volleyball team. This was the most rewarding thing I have done in a while. The look in those girls' faces when they won a game was absolutely priceless. I genuinely miss the constant giggles, gossip, and fun that these girls brought to my afternoons.
- I played on the tennis team. The girls on the tennis team are not the people I usually hang around with, so when they ended up being some of the funniest and sweetest people I had ever met, I ended up being excited for every practice and match.
-I played in a volleyball league that was meant for fifty year olds and I had a blast. I made new friends who were full of wisdom and advice. I was shown up by women who had grandchildren and I had some of the most fun I have ever had playing volleyball.
-I took my first AP classes.
- I had a full conversation in Spanish with my Puerto Rican uncle.
- I gave a four minute speech on pot holder headbands, a six minute speech on CILTS, and a two minute speech on Mean Girls for my AP speech class.
- I joined a gym.
- I decorated my room in full Camp T decor.
- I talked to every single person at the DC open house. I made good friends with Maeve, Molly, and Kaitlyn. I really cannot wait for summer.
- So far, I have convinced 5 families to sign their kids up for day camp.
-I work at camp on the weekends. I love it. I just love it.
- I got a twitter.
- I drove four hours by myself from Illinois when I got my car. It was intense.
-I reconnected with family I had not seen in years.
- I got inducted into National Honor Society.
-I helped one of my best friends through her mother's death (this is not a good thing at all just something worth documenting)
-I read the Hunger Games Trilogy- twice.
- I started a blog.
- I signed up for the color run.
- I am taking the Sat..
-I got my wisdom teeth out.
- I got a new cat
-That cat had kittens.
- and so so much more
As my seventeenth birthday crept to an end, I thought about all of these things and how much I have changed. It may be for the better, it may not be. But as I stared into the mirror and thought about how old seventeen was, I forced myself to look past my poor body image and my number of new text messages and thought about how my personality has changed since my last birthday. I became a leader during CILTs, a mentor during coaching, and an employee of Camp T :) I know that this list is pretty long, and I am missing lots but I am determined to make sure that it is three times as long by my eighteenth birthday and I am determined to change even more. I know this blog is all over the place but hey, maybe by my eighteenth birthday I can get my thoughts in order.
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